


so quite new a thing

by thewinterose



Series: i like my body when it is with your [1]
Category: Fruits Basket, Fruits Basket (Anime 2019), Fruits Basket - Takaya Natsuki (Manga)
Genre: Established Relationship, F/M, Flirting, Idiots in Love, Pining, Sexual Confusion, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension, hand holding, in which tohru discovers that kyo is hot (poor baby), kyo has a heart attack but what's new, tohru "oh no he's hot!" honda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-01
Updated: 2019-07-01
Packaged: 2020-06-02 07:43:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19436995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thewinterose/pseuds/thewinterose
Summary: A girl, a boy, and the evolution of desire.





	so quite new a thing

**Author's Note:**

> i'm kinda nervous to be posting this because the general consensus of the fandom is that tohru literally has no sex drive, and in this she... well, she does. anyway, it got long as fuck and took three days to write, so i hope you guys enjoy!
> 
> journey forth if you are not a coward.

She first notices it when Kagura Sohma visits.

She’s holding a laundry basket against her hip, her thoughts turned towards love and first kisses and a date she’s never been on yet, when Kyo’s screaming makes her pause.

She's looking out towards the hallway when he suddenly bursts out of the bathroom, Kagura following at his heels, her giggling voice drifting off behind her.

_“There’s no need to be shy around me, my love!”_

Tohru watches Kyo run from her, mostly out of curiosity, and she thinks that she should look away, considering the fact that he’s mostly naked, but she- she can’t somehow.

She’s struck by how red the tips of his ears are, the flush drifting down to the nape of his neck. Her eyes catch the droplets clinging to his shoulders and how they roll down his toned arms, ending at his elbows. And then her eyes drift to the lines of his back, and the way his muscles bunch as he runs. He looks strong. Like an athlete.

She sees Kagura follow him, and she thinks: _“It makes me kind of jealous.”_ But she was thinking of first loves and not Kyo, so the thoughts don’t connect in her mind. And Kyo is her friend, and the implications of anything romantic between them are lost on her.

But still, the image of him running away stirs something in her somewhere. A certain twinge, low in her stomach, a spark in heart.

He turns the corner and the feeling is forgotten.

* * *

The second time is when they come back from the Sohma summer house.

Yuki went to go meet with his student council peers, and Shigure claimed that he was going to go grab some dinner with his writer friends. Kyo told her that it was code for him going off to get “shit-faced drunk”, but Tohru, the consummate optimist, just told him to have fun and be safe.

They’re having dinner together silently, chatting occasionally, but comfortable enough in the quiet that lingers between them. Tohru thinks that this is her favorite thing that came out of their summer together. The times they spent on the beach with one another, building sandcastles, or in the house, watching movies and making pancakes, left them closer than they were before. It makes her smile to realize it.

Kyo’s glass thumps against the wood table and she instinctively looks over at him. His eyes are focused on the television, his defined jaw resting in his other hand, and she can’t help but notice the angles of his face. He looks sharp, his baby fat all but melted off. Less boyish, she thinks, and more masculine. For some reason, she blushes when she realizes this.

He must feel her looking at him, because he switches his gaze from the TV to her, his sharp brows raised in a silent question.

“Oh, um, I just noticed that you look different, Kyo-kun. You look older!” she says, and she’s not babbling, but there’s something about the moment that’s making her feel flustered, so she feels like she is.

Kyo snorts and lowers the volume of the television. There’s a light dusting of pink across his tan cheeks, a sign that she’s pleased him with her comment.

“I should hope so,” he says, moving to face her. “I mean, I’m almost seventeen.”

Tohru doesn’t have the heart to tell him that he’s going to be seventeen several months from now, so she just hums in agreement.

“And Shishou-san noticed that you got taller,” she says, playing with the ends of her hair.

Kyo furrows his brows, his forehead scrunching a bit. “Did he? I haven’t noticed a huge difference.”

Tohru perks up and smiles at him, nodding vigorously. “Yes, he did! Everyone has noticed!”

“Yeah, I know that damn Uotani said something, but she’s hypervigilant about that shit. She’s weird,” he grumbles, and Tohru giggles. Kagura said something about him being a sourpuss once, and she can’t help but think of it now, with his mouth twisted downward in a frown.

It’s nice to know that not everything has changed yet.

“It’s noticeable, Kyo-kun. Watch!”

Tohru stands up from her spot and rushes over to his side of the table, plopping down in front of him, sitting on her ankles. Kyo watches her with a vaguely confused look on his face.

“Look, even your hands have gotten much larger,” she says brightly. She grabs his wrist, and Kyo lets her, helping her set his palm against her own.

They grow quiet, and Tohru smiles as she immediately recognizes the stark differences between their hands. For one, he’s always been much tanner than she is, and over the summer, his constant exposure to the sun left him darker. His complexion becoming pleasantly bronzed. Compared to him, her fingers look pasty.

His fingers have also grown longer. The tip of her index finger barely reaches the line of his second knuckle. His palm is wider too, and warm against her own. And rough. The edges of his calluses scratch at her hand, and she’s never noticed how many he’s had. She wants to grab his hand and hold it up to her eyes to count, but she’s not sure that he would let her.

Kyo shifts his fingers gently, and the tip of her pinky falls within the groove of his middle and ring finger. He moves his hand just slightly, the roughness of his skin scraping against her.

She was right. His hands have gotten much larger. She can’t find it in herself to look away from it. Have her fingers always been this tiny?

“You’re right,” he says lowly. His voice sounds just as rough as his hands. Voice just as gravelly. “They have gotten bigger.” It’s funny how he always seems to do that, echo her thoughts. He moves his fingers and interlocks them with her own. “It’s either that, or you’ve shrunk.”

She glances up, peering at him through her lashes, and something twists inside of her when she meets his eyes. His jaw is clenched, his mouth tight and thin, but his eyes burn.

Her breath hitches in her chest a bit, like she can’t breathe properly. She’s not sure she can handle him staring at her like that. Not when he looks so large. So looming. Not with the evidence of his growth pressed against her palm. Not with her feeling so small.

Has she always been this small?

Her cheeks heat, and she decides that she probably should go take a shower. There’s a twisting, uncomfortable heat settling in her belly, and the unfamiliarity of it makes her squirm. Kyo could never make her feel uneasy. In fact, some part of her is convinced that he’s been hardwired to always be a source of comfort for her. But something about him right now is making her twitchy. She doesn’t know why. She just needs to leave.

Tohru stands up abruptly, untangling their fingers. She bends down to collect their finished dinner, flashing a practiced smile at him as she walks to the kitchen door.

“I’m going to go take a shower, okay, Kyo-kun? Tell me if you need anything before then,” she says brightly, as nonchalantly as she can be with the sensation of a thousand butterflies fluttering against the wall of her stomach and tickling the inside of her throat.

Kyo just stares at her for a long moment and then nods. He looks away and picks up the remote again, turning up the volume to refocus on whatever was playing.

Tohru spares him one last glance and then walks to the stair landing. Her tingling palm is pressed against the smooth wood of the staircase, cool and stark against the feel of her overheated skin. She feels uneasy. She’s afraid of looking at him, and so she rushes upstairs.

She suppresses the uncomfortable feeling in the pit of her stomach. She doesn’t know what it is and she doesn’t need to deal with it. Maybe she’s just getting sick.

* * *

The next time is on the school trip.

She feels gutted. It’s happening more now, with an increasing frequency that leaves her feeling scared and sad and blissfully joyful. She’s oscillating between moods more now than she’s ever been. She’s not used to this. Her conditioned bubbly personality became her safe haven, and Kyo is dismantling it piece by piece. He’s breaking down her carefully constructed walls, releasing the gooey, fractured shards of her gelatinous, mosaic heart, and she can do nothing but watch and hope that it doesn’t hurt _too_ much.

But it does.

It always does.

_“Will I be left behind too?”_

The thought spurs her on into some nameless but desperate sense of urgency, and she’s on her feet and rushing towards Kyo’s retreating back. Her hand is reaching out to grasp his shirt when he suddenly turns around.

His eyes are soft and warm and fond, the angular line of his features made gentle now. His hand meets hers halfway and his long, rough fingers wrap around her own, holding her lightly. He looks so beautiful. Like art _._ She wonders how anyone can say that he’s cursed when he looks so singularly magnificent.

“Hm? What is it?” he asks, voice so different from the cold indifference that was there before.

There’s that oscillation again. The moods of her heart swinging back and forth like a cruel pendulum. A slight change in his tone and she’s happy again. Exhilarated and flushed and desperately needy for some aspect of his attention. She doesn’t know when she became this pathetic.

She looks at him, words caught in her throat. Her eyes trace the sharp contours of his face, the hard line of his jaw. Since the end of summer, he’s grown even taller. His shoulders and back made more broad and strong. He’s become even more handsome.

He squeezes her hand and her gaze lands on his mouth. The surrounding skin is as tan as it ever was, his chin beneath it sharp and pointed. His lips are slightly curled upward with that soft smile he’s directing towards her. He’s waiting for an answer, but all she’s concerned with is that twisting, gut-rending sensation that’s becoming more familiar to her every time she thinks of him.

She’s fixated by how he looks right now. She doesn’t know what it is, but she can’t look away from him.

She wants to kiss him. She doesn’t think she’s ever felt the urge this strongly before. She wants to kiss him and touch him and hug him. She wants to pull him close, breathe him in, feel the sharp angles of his body and see how it contrasts against her softness. The severity of it makes her teeth ache.

He’s still waiting for an answer.

“Ah… N-Nothing, um… Y-You suddenly started walking and I was wondering where you were going…” her voice trails off in an embarrassed whisper, but Kyo seems to understand. Like he always does.

He releases her hand and looks off to the distance, his eyes focusing on some food kiosk ahead of them. He makes some comment about him being hungry and heads that way. Tohru begins to follow.

She’s walking beside him and peering up at him through the corner of her eye, her thoughts inevitably turning towards him like they always seem to do now.

 _“Kyo-kun is… special,”_ she thinks, and it seems to say everything and nothing all at once.

Overwhelmed, Tohru turns her gaze away.

* * *

He’s practicing in the backyard.

Her cheek still vaguely throbs from the thrashing she received from Kagura the other day, but Tohru wears it like a badge of honor, exposing the bruise in all of its ugly, mottled, purplish glory.

It does make her feel a twinge of guilt for not covering it up every time she feels Yuki or Kyo’s concerned gaze linger on it for too long, but she always manages to smother it. It’s a mark of her resolve. Every morning when she sees it, she feels the beat of her heart tick like a clock counting down. She’s going to tell Kyo one of these days. She’s just waiting to build up the courage.

A few flyaways from her braid tickle her cheeks, and she brushes them away with the rough sleeve of her denim shirt-dress. Her wrists ache from the constant movement needed to scrub down the deck, but the slight pain gives her a sense of satisfaction. She likes knowing that she’s working hard.

Although, right now she’s not working so much as she is staring.

She cringes to think of it that way, but she is. A part of accepting her love for Kyo was recognizing her attraction to him. Now that she thinks of it, she thinks that some part of her has always been consciously aware of how handsome he was.

He’s practicing some drilling exercises in front of her and has been for a while. The neck and back of his tank-top is slick with his sweat, and from here she can see beads of it running down his neck and forearms. But it doesn’t gross her out so much as it excites her in some way.

Tohru bites her lips and scrubs extra hard at the mostly-clean deck.

Is this what love was? Is this what it made her?

She hopes that her mother wouldn’t be too ashamed.

She sighs deeply and tries very, very hard to keep herself preoccupied with her work instead of ogling him shamelessly, but his strained grunts and pants are testing her resolve.

Tohru resists the urge to yank at her hair. She doesn’t know what’s wrong with her. Her mother told her before about how much she loved her father and how crazy they were about each other, but she never talked about _this_. Her mother never mentioned that annoying, ever-present itch that existed underneath her skin and how it seemed to appear only when he was around. Or when she thought about him for too long. Or when-

“Honda-san?”

Tohru yelps loudly, startled by the interruption, her already frayed nerves making her feel even more manic.

She looks up, her eyes wide and panicked, her cheeks burning. “Y-Yuki-kun!”

Yuki stares down at her, his eyebrows raised, clearly taken aback by her behavior. He takes a few seconds to look her over before he continues. “Are you almost done here?”

Tohru switches her gaze down to the spotless deck below her, before looking back up at her friend. Now that she’s not focused on Kyo, she can feel herself visibly relaxing. “Yup! I’m sorry I took so long. Are you hungry?” she asks.

She stands up slowly, pulling her dress down from where she could feel it hitched up on her thighs, and dusts herself off. She fusses with the flyaways still hanging in front of her eyes, before returning her gaze to Yuki. Her heart melts when she notices the openly fond look on his face. Sometimes she doesn’t think he’s aware of how utterly adorable he can be.

He chuckles lightly at her. “Actually, I’m okay. I was just checking on you.” When he meets her gaze again, his eyes suddenly flash with worry and he steps closer. He presses a hand to her forehead, catching her by surprise. “You look flushed, Honda-san. Are you alright? Do you feel off?”

The blatant concern in his voice would make her smile if it weren’t for the mental spiral he unwittingly sent her on. What if he’s noticed that she was staring at Kyo? What if _Kyo’s_ noticed her staring at him? Was she really that obvious?

She can feel her face heat up even further underneath Yuki’s cool palm, and she unwillingly finds herself looking over to where Kyo is, who’s turned his attention over to them.

He stops his drills and walks up to the deck, her pulse practically skyrocketing in reaction to his nearing proximity.

Beams of sunlight filter in through the trees and fall onto him, haloing his head and making the sweat on the surface of his skin glow. He looks like some sort of golden, Greek god. Her face burns just looking at him.

He tilts his head, scanning her over almost clinically, before reaching forward and pressing his damp palm to the overheated skin of her throat. She almost swoons. She can feel her knees shake.

Why is she like this? She never knew she could be like this.

“Are you alright?” he asks, his brows furrowing in concern.

Tohru has the acute urge to turn her gaze down to her feet and never make eye contact with anyone ever again lest they see the effect he so clearly has on her. Her mind keeps reeling and she’s fighting against herself for some illusion of control, but it keeps slipping through her fingers and leaving her speechless.

By the time they look even more concerned over her, she clears the lump in her throat.

“I-I’m alright. I guess it’s just really hot today,” she says, her tone overtly bubbly and high-spirited. She’s overdoing it, but she’s not in the mental capacity to be worried about that.

Kyo narrows his eyes at her and steps closer. At this point, Yuki has completely removed himself from her, and she can feel him looking at them. Somehow, his presence makes the exchange even more nerve-wracking.

“You sure?” He moves his hand just slightly, pressing it fully against the side of her neck, his thumb resting lightly on the hollow of her throat. “You feel hot. Maybe you’re getting sick,” he murmurs. The blood in her veins is boiling. She’s overheating. She might pass out if he keeps touching her.

She bites down hard on her bottom lip and looks away from him, directing her gaze to her feet. “Uh-huh.” She wants to sink into the floor. Kyo was the only one who was exercising, and _she’s_ the one who sounds like she ran a marathon.

“Kyo.” Yuki’s voice cuts in between them, and both Tohru and Kyo direct their gazes towards him.

“What?”

He looks between them, his eyes analytical, but his mouth curled up in some vague sort of amusement. He approaches her and rests a gentle hand on her slight shoulder, his stance protective as he regards the other boy.

“Why don’t you get Honda-san some water? It seems like the heat of the day got to her,” he says calmly, softly squeezing her shoulder.

Tohru wants to turn around and hide her face in his chest. She feels overwhelmed and overheated by Kyo’s proximity, and Yuki’s calm nature has always helped soothe her.

Kyo looks her over, his mouth tightening with concern. He grabs the collar of her shirt-dress and yanks it lightly. “This is what happens when you wear denim on a hot day, dummy. What if you passed out or something?”

Tohru chews on her lip again and peers up at him plaintively. “I’m sorry, Kyo-kun,” she whispers, wringing her fingers.

Kyo’s warm eyes flare up with affection, his face smoothing over with fondness. He reaches over and chucks her under her chin, and some part of her wants to grab his hand and press it against the hollow of her throat again, but she doesn’t. She won’t.

Her face burns just thinking about it.

His eyes switch back to Yuki and lose all degree of the warmth that previously hid in them. “Watch her, rat boy. If she passes out, I’ll knock your head off,” he threatens, crossing his toned arms.

Yuki rolls his eyes, but nods, and Kyo shoulders past him to get into the kitchen. They’re silent for a few moments, before Yuki directs his gaze towards Tohru again.

She’s trying very resolutely not to look at him, and he seems to be aware of this, but he places his hand under her chin and directs her eyes upward.

He smiles at her, brushing his thumb lightly over the soft curve of her cheek. Tohru smiles back at him, her heart warming at his simple affection. Or at least she is, until he speaks again.

“Him? _Really_?”

“Yuki-kun!” She wants to sink into the floor. If the universe was kind, she’d be sinking into the floor right about now.

Yuki laughs at her, moving his hand to rest on the top of her head, making her feel very much like a child. “It’s okay. I’ve known about it for a while now.”

Tohru’s eyes widen in shock. “You have?”

He smiles at her, the edges of it soft. “Yeah.”

“A-And you’re not upset? Or uncomfortable?” She doesn’t know why she asks this, but for some reason, it feels very important that she know the answer. She loves Yuki. Dearly. But she also knows just how contentious his relationship with Kyo is.

Yuki seems to pick up on this, because he shakes his head reassuringly at her. “Of course not, Honda-san. My only concern is whether you’re happy or not.” The shape of his smile then turns slightly threatening, and she finds herself shivering in some vague sense of unease. “But if he does something to you…” he lets his words trail off, letting Tohru mentally fill in the rest of the blanks.

“No! No, he would never!” she says, almost too loudly. She grabs his hand and holds it within both of her own. “…He doesn’t even know,” she whispers, griping his slender fingers. She can’t help but notice the difference. They’re so much smoother than Kyo’s are.

Yuki’s features soften with understanding, and he moves his hand to lightly squeeze her shoulder. “As long as you’re happy in the end, then that’s all I care about,” he says warmly.

Tohru bites her lip to suppress a smile. She wishes that she could hug him. Sometimes it eats at her, the way that she can’t express affection with them the way that she can with her other friends, and it only makes her resolve to break the curse even stronger.

Yuki suddenly fixes his gaze over her head. “Hey, stupid cat, hurry up.”

A distinct, “Fuck you!” echoes behind them, before a stomping, barefoot Kyo meets them on the deck again. He presses a cool glass of water to her lips, and Tohru struggles to grab it from him, before he could start accidentally choking her in his haste to rehydrate her.

Yuki must notice this, because he smacks Kyo upside the head and then proceeds to start dealing verbal blows, which Kyo is only too eager to respond to.

Tohru watches them, smiling, sufficiently calm now as they bicker in front of her.

At least this is familiar.

* * *

They’ve been living together in their apartment for three months before Tohru’s decided that she’s had enough.

Both of them have been openly affectionate with each other ever since they began dating. Kyo hugs her almost every day. They hold hands every time they’re in public. Whenever he needs to reach around her to grab something, he always places his hand low on her hip to maneuver around her. They kiss.

And it’s wonderful! It’s all wonderful. Tohru cherishes every touch, every look, every hug, every _everything_ that she has with Kyo because she loves him, and she’s loved him for years now, but it’s not- it’s not _enough._

He hugs her and he pulls away. They cuddle in bed together and he’s always the first one to get up. Even during their more… _adventurous_ kisses, he’s always the first one to pull back with a smile and an apology.

And she’s not clueless. Despite what most of her friends think, she knows what intimacy is. She may have been a bit slow in understanding the implications of certain things and conversations- and she may still be sometimes- but she knows what they are now.

And what she does know, is that most couples tend to express their physical attraction with one another, and although she knows that Kyo loves her irrevocably, she’s dangerously close to the conclusion that he may not be attracted to her. At least, not in the same way that she is with him.

The lack of definitive answers is killing her, so in the midst of making dinner, Tohru decides that she’s going to do it. She’s going to gather her resolve. She’s going to bite the bullet and have the most potentially embarrassing conversation she will ever have. But it will be fine.

If her worst fears come true, they can work around it. Love doesn’t _need_ sex. She’s okay with that. But she needs to know.

She’s setting the table when she hears the door open, and her heart-rate immediately picks up. She can feel her anxiety spike up, but she does her best to push it away.

She and Kyo are in love. They will be _fine._

“Tohru? Are you home?”

The sound of his voice brings a smile to her face, and Tohru feels her heart melting before she’s even consciously aware of it. “I’m in here, Kyo-kun!” she calls brightly.

Kyo turns the corner of their hallway- and she love, love, loves thinking that. _Their_ hallway. _Their_ home. The home they made together.

His warm eyes meet hers, and that beautiful, boyish grin spreads across his face. He opens his arms and Tohru rushes into them instinctively.

They hug silently for a few moments, each basking in each other’s warmth. She settles her cheek against his broad chest, and listens for the echoing beat of his heart. Proof that he’s there with her. She loves this sound more than she loves anything else.

Well, aside from Kyo, of course.

Kyo pulls away and lifts his hands upwards to cup her smooth cheeks, his thumbs stroking the soft skin there. “How was work?”

Tohru smiles at him and grabs one of his hands, leaning down to kiss the rough skin of his palm. “Good. And yours?”

His grin widens, and that same childish wonder that she saw the first time on the roof fills his eyes.

“Good! I think the students are really taking to me!”

Tohru giggles and bounces on her tiptoes, leaning forward to press a kiss to his warm lips. “That’s wonderful, Kyo-kun! Shishou-san is going to be so happy!” she gushes when she pulls away.

Kyo blushes lightly, but doesn’t say anything. He looks over her head to peer at the dinner table. “Is the food ready?”

Tohru nods. “Yup! I just finished! Let’s eat.”

She pulls away and takes his hand, leading him to the table.

They sit on their respective sides of the table and begin to eat, chatting about their days. Kyo tells a few jokes, and Tohru laughs at the appropriate places, but the anxiety from earlier is starting to crawl up throat and curdle her words. It’s getting harder to act normally, and from the concerned glances Kyo throws her way every so often, she knows that he’s noticed.

When they’re finished, she stands up and begins collecting their empty bowls, but Kyo’s hand on her wrist stops her.

She sighs inaudibly and looks over at him, almost cringing at the blatantly worried look on his face.

“There’s something up with you today. Did something happen at work that you’re nervous to tell me about?”

Tohru bites her lip, lowering the bowls down slowly, building up her resolve.

It’s now or never.

“N-No. Um, Kyo-kun, there was something I wanted to discuss with you today,” she begins, exhaling softly.

He tilts his head at her in confusion, before nodding in understanding. “Yeah, of course. You can talk to me about anything.”

Tohru smiles at him shyly, tucking a stray lock of long brown hair behind her ear. “Yes, I know.”

She steels herself in front of him, fisting her hands to resist the urge to wring her fingers. She’s doing her best to fight off the anxiety that threatens to crush her.

“You see, Kyo-kun, I-I was wondering why we’ve never…” she trails off, her embarrassment choking her.

He furrows his brows, leaning forward. “Never what?”

“Never-”

She stops herself abruptly, walking over to his side and taking ahold his wrist. “Actually, can we talk in the living room?”

The confusion on his face visibly heightens, but his concern for her rules over it. “Yeah, sure.”

He stands up, and Tohru leads him to their small living room. She eyes the couch and turns around to grasp his shoulders, slowly walking him backwards to sit. When his knees hit the back of the cushion, she gently pushes him down, and Kyo falls onto the seat.

She’s at a loss for what to do now, so she goes with what she’s familiar with. She rests a hand on his broad shoulder and maneuvers herself around so that she can plop down on his lap.

Kyo instinctively widens his knees, resting a hand on the small of her back to steady her, while the other settles on her thigh. “So, what is it that you wanted to-“

Tohru interrupts him. Her determination crests over her like a typhoon, and she grips the front of his shirt, bringing him closer and pressing her mouth against his own.

He relaxes into her kiss immediately, the hand located on the small of her back, drifting upwards to curl itself into the locks of her hair before ending at the nape of her neck. She nearly shivers when she feels the pad of his thumb caress the delicate skin of her throat.

She pulls back slightly to start pressing soft, repetitive kisses to his mouth; the way she knows he likes. Her hands move from nervously gripping his shoulders, to bringing her arms up to wrap around his neck, tugging him close enough that their chests touch.

Kyo angles his head slightly to the left, his large palm gripping her smooth jaw. The warmth of his mouth, the flutter of his lashes against her cheek, the hard pounding of his heart, awaken that low flame that resides in the pit of her gut. The presence of it makes her feel even more eager, even more willing to see where this goes. She hopes it goes somewhere.

He seems to be getting as lost in their kiss as much as she is, because he’s starting to kiss her hard enough that her lips part, and some desperate, needy thing that exists inside of her, sighs against his mouth when he begins to suck on her bottom lip. And it’s so good. It’s so-

And then it’s over.

Kyo yanks himself away from her, tilting his head backward when Tohru mindlessly leans forward to seek out his lips again.

He smiles at her bashfully, his cheeks red, and his pupils blown. “Sorry. I went a bit overboard,” he says roughly, fingers patting her cheek.

A frustration so great it pains her, wells up inside her chest and burns her from the inside out. She closes her eyes and can feel tears stinging behind her eyelids. She bites her swollen lip hard and turns away from him, loathed to meet his guilty expression. Her shoulders shake with the effort it takes to avoid crying in front of him.

_What’s wrong with her?_

When he’s calmed down enough, he must notice her poorly concealed dejection, because he pulls her closer, settling his forehead against her own.

He starts shushing and cooing at her, but it only makes her angrier.

He reaches forward and smooths her hair back. “Hey, hey. What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”

Tohru heaves a sob because she can’t help herself, and curls her fingers into the soft fabric of his t-shirt. “Why do you always push me away?” she asks shakily.

Kyo pulls back a bit. He takes ahold of her chin and tilts it upward, and she forces herself to meet his eyes. “What do you mean?”

The frustration at his lack of understanding almost overwhelms her, but she takes a shuddering breath, allowing herself to calm down. It’s not his fault. She shouldn’t expect him to comprehend what was going on just because she jumped him.

She meets his gaze and sets a hand on the hard ridge of his jawbone, caressing the rough skin there. “Why do you always push me away when we kiss?” she asks.

Kyo’s eyes widen and his cheeks flush. He visibly swallows, his Adam’s apple bobbing, before looking back at her again. He sighs deeply, looking like he needs to calm himself in preparation to respond to her.

“Because, Tohru, I don’t want to force you into something you’re not ready for yet,” he says calmly, but his apparent steadiness is betrayed by the nervous sweat that begins to bead at his hairline.

She leans in closer to him, settling a hand over his heart, comforted and exhilarated by the fast pace of it beneath her palm. “But what if I am ready?”

Kyo stares at her uncomprehendingly for several long, uncomfortable seconds before his mind seems to digest what she told him. “Tohru, what are you saying?” he asks slowly, as if he’s speaking to a child.

The unintentional condescension only serves to harden her resolve. She fists the fabric of his shirt in her hands and meets his gaze unrelentingly with her own.

“Kyo-kun, I think that we should make love,” she whispers.

There. She said it. It’s out in the open. Now they can talk about it like adults instead of dancing around it like squeamish children. Let the dice fall where they may.

Tohru sighs with relief, the anxiety over bringing it up dissipating like a cloud of smoke. However, as the seconds pass into minutes, Kyo’s continued silence makes her feel like she has a rock sitting in the pit of her stomach.

She looks up at him, taken aback by the completely expressionless look on his face. She resists the childish urge to shake him. He looks like he’s going through shock.

“Kyo-kun?” she calls softly, rubbing a thumb against the barely-there stubble on his jawline.

Kyo jolts underneath her like he’s been electrocuted, causing Tohru to jump in his lap in shock.

The transformation that happens in front of her is amazing. She’s never seen anyone get that red so quickly.

His face visibly heats beneath her fingers, and his eyes widen to the size of small dinner plates, his gaze darting around the room like he’s panicked. He opens his mouth to speak, and then shuts it, before opening it again and shutting it again, looking more and more like a gaping fish rather than an eighteen year old man.

She feels a smile creep up on her, and before she’s even consciously aware of it, she’s giggling at him right in his face. She doesn’t know if it’s just because of how funny he looks, or the anxiety that still churns in the pit of her stomach, but she feels better. More lighthearted.

She leans forward and kisses him for a long, slow moment, only pulling away after she feels his mouth begin to move against her own. She leans back and then moves to kiss the tip of his nose. Even in the midst of her frustration, and his speechless shock, she still feels the urge to be as close to him as possible. She meets his gaze again, happy by how much calmer he looks.

“Kyo-kun? Are you alright?”

His face goes pink again. “Y-Yeah, I am. But- But, I’m just shocked. I mean, how long did you-“

“Want to talk to you about it?” she interrupts. She looks up, thinking. “I don’t know. I think it just hit me one day that I wanted to be with you that way. I love you, Kyo-kun,” she says warmly, her heart sighing when he smiles at her.

He reaches up to caress her cheek. “I love you too. I just never thought that you would- I mean, I never thought that you would want to-“

His response unintentionally angers her, and she stands up, moving off his lap. Her friends always do this. They always infantilize her. They act like she doesn’t know anything when it concerns more adult topics. “I’m not a child, Kyo-kun,” she says sternly. “I know what sex is.”

Kyo’s face goes beet red all over again, and Tohru resists the urge to roll her eyes in annoyance. How is it that she can have this conversation maturely and he can’t?

“I-I never thought that you didn’t.” He’s lying, she can tell. “I just never wanted to force you into something that you weren’t ready for.”

She can feel herself softening at that last statement, and she lowers herself into his lap again. “I know, Kyo-kun, and I love you for that, but you’re not forcing me into anything. You would never do that. I _want_ to be with you,” she whispers. She shifts closer to him, laying a hand on his defined collarbone, bumping his nose with her own.

A smile spreads over his face and he laughs incredulously, as if he can’t believe the sudden turn of events. He leans back and reaches up to cup her face with his hands, bringing her close and kissing her hard. She can feel his lips moving against hers, rough and wet and happy, somehow, and it makes her laugh. He starts laughing too, and the kiss becomes less a press of mouths than it is a press of smiles, and that familiar warmth floods her chest and leaves her feeling fizzy and radiant. Like she has sunlight flowing at her fingertips.

He separates from her with a loud _smack,_ his lips red and swollen, his cheeks pink, and she giggles to imagine what she must look like right now.

His thumb softly rubs circles into her cheeks. He can’t stop grinning at her. “So we’re gonna do this? This is gonna happen? When?”

Tohru sighs, leaning into his palm. “As soon as possible,” she says, almost dreamily. But she’s too happy to care right now.

A determined look goes over his face and solidifies, and his eyes meet hers, bright and incendiary on her rapidly heating skin. “I never told you this, but before we left, Shigure decided to be an asshole and hide a pack of condoms in my suitcase. I made sure that you never saw them.”

Tohru feels her heart stutter, her breath hitching in excitement and anticipation. “And?” She’s not even ashamed over how breathless she sounds.

Kyo grins at her, somehow looking both shy and rakish. “I never threw them away.”

They stare at each other silently for a few moments, when Tohru shifts, and then suddenly they’re scrambling to untangle themselves from each other and jump off the couch.

She gets off first, sprinting out of the living room, and she smiles when she hears Kyo’s laugh ringing in the background.

It becomes race to the bedroom.

* * *

_i like my body when it is with your_  
body. It is so quite new a thing.  
Muscles better and nerves more.  
i like your body. i like what it does,  
i like its hows. i like to feel the spine  
of your body and its bones,and the trembling  
-firm-smooth ness and which i will  
again and again and again  
kiss, i like kissing this and that of you,  
i like, slowly stroking the, shocking fuzz  
of your electric furr, and what-is-it comes  
over parting flesh….And eyes big love-crumbs,  
  
and possibly i like the thrill  
  
of under me you so quite new

_-E. E. Cummings_

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you guys liked it! when i was writing it, i was listening a lot to "edge of desire" by john mayor and "kiss me" by ed sheeran. it was also inspired by the poem "i like my body when it is with your" by ee cummings. 
> 
> also, yuki would 100% tease tohru about her feelings for kyo, don't call me out!


End file.
